Shameful admittance of flaws

Ahh… another weekend is quickly coming to an end, and most of us are probably already thinking about next weekend's excursions. I am sitting here reflecting on the past couple of days I spent with a special someone and the visuals are still pretty clear. Replaying all the endless and raw conversations, still able to smell the BBQ smoke and the mouthwatering smores. The beer that we drank which ultimately introduced us to new topics of conversation still tastes freshly brewed in my mouth. It was a great past couple of days, as we shared more time together and inevitably learned more about one another.

It's Sunday and now it is time to unwind, and replay the conversations we had from the last couple of days. We talked about past relationships, our general likes/dislikes, what we do and do not find acceptable in a relationship. Basically, we were openly expressing to each other our outlook on relationships. Undoubtedly, the underlying question is whether or not we should pursue a solid and stable relationship. My opinion? We should. I'm just a little worried about an opinion that isn't mine.

I am worried because I openly admitted my flaws over the weekend. The kind of flaws we are so good at hiding. The kind of flaws only our own eyes can see; or so they say. The kind of flaws… only your best friends and family know about and don't give two shits about.

But our spouses, our partners, our soulmates… they need to know, too. If we don't tell them, well, it isn't going to be a secret forever. Although it appeared as if it wasn't an issue, I feel so ashamed. I feel susceptible during times of intimacy, or closeness, because I feel as though my flaws are now being looked at. I have hair in places I disgust. Although I maintain it, I look in the mirror every couple of weeks and there they are again. I sigh, I moan, I scream loud roars of anger. I acknowledge this flaw, and I plan to take care of it permanently but it isn't cheap.

My fear is…what if I am now being looked at in a different light? The person we are dating is always scrutinizing us, paying real close attention and I feel so ashamed and scared that there might be a time I forget to maintain my flaws, and I am seen at the wrong angle, in the wrong light.

I don't regret admitting my flaws… I am just nervous about an opinion that isn't mine.

27 thoughts on “Shameful admittance of flaws

    1. Thank you so much! I am constantly being reminded by my inner voice of my flaws…ugh…it’s certainly a war in my mind between looking pretty and feeling pretty. Two very different ideas! Thanks for your comment!

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  1. I think it took courage to open up and admit that you aren’t perfect and reveal your insecurities. I’ve found over and over that we are way harder on ourselves than the ones who care for us are. Trust and confidence in your own worth will be your biggest allies. Highlight the great stuff that made him want to be with you and the other things that you want to hide will continue to diminish. Insecurity sucks. It will drain you and your relationship. He chose you for a reason! I know it’s hard, believe me, but you can do this. Just keep swimming☺

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    1. Awh yeah you’re right 😊 instead of focusing on my flaws I should focus on my highlights–the characteristics and personality traits that pulled him in to begin with. Thanks for the reminder–he chose me for a reason. I will keep swimming. ☺️🐠

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  2. Ahh! I enjoy reading your posts but I’ve been busy moving so I haven’t checked in a while. I understand somewhat of you’re trying to say with this sentence, “I plan to take care of it permanently but it isn’t cheap.” It’s so hard to manage something so shameful…how do we go about and do it? How long will this take? Will people like me less? It’s a headache but by acknowledging it you’ve taken the first step to destroy what holds you back.

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    1. Hey chicka! I haven’t been on much either. I think about blogging all of the time but lately, life has been getting busier and I just haven’t found the time to really get on here and read. I am so happy you understand this post, and what I am going through. It definitely is a headache πŸ™„ and it’s a constant battle between letting myself fall completely vulnerable or just hiding it all as long as I can. Ugh. Why couldn’t we have just been made perfect?! Lol. Thanks for your feedback and good luck with moving as I know how stressful that can be.

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  3. I think what makes us lovable are not only our merits but our flaws, quirks or imperfections. Those are traits that stand out and we often have a “me too” experience. Over time, without telling each other, we show each other who we are and we choose to love each other anyway because humans have expansive hearts.

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    1. Nina, your comment is written very nicely and you’re absolutely right, our flaws play a tiny role (notice I said tiny lol) to making us lovable. I never really thought about it that way. It’s true, most of us are sensitive and insecure and over time we start to fall susceptible; yet secure with our partner. Thank you for sharing ☺️

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    1. Hey! Thanks for reading! It’s one thing most of us humans have–flaws. We really aren’t that much different from one another. I blame genetics for all the insecurities we feel πŸ˜… thanks for leaving your thoughts.

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  4. Owie – this hit home, even though I’ve been with my husband for 30 years, I still get this feeling of, “NO, don’t look at me, you’re not going to like what you see!” But as other people before me have said, when you’re with the right person, they don’t see your flaws in the same light. Hubby still insists on calling all my stretch marks (thanks, kids – LOL!) “beauty marks” because he says they’re a reminder of the beautiful children we created.

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    1. Thank you for the response Traci. I understand where you are coming from and I am fortunate enough to have readers who also understand where I am coming from. I think stretch marks are beautiful and it’s adorable your husband finds them that way too. I bet he isn’t lying. Men are jealous of what we are made of! Lol. They certainly don’t know what it’s like giving birth and I bet they admire us more than they say. It’s true, if I’m with the right person this all shouldn’t matter, but I guess it’s just my weakness. Hopefully I eventually grow out of it and start feeling more comfortable.

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  5. I’m sure they will have no problem with your flaws. If they do, maybe they are not the right person for you. You’ll be fine, there is no benefit in worrying about something you can’t control. X

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  6. I love your writing it really makes your readers feel like they are in the moment with you! Everyone has their flaws and we all hate them but maybe you should think about your partners flaws and how they don’t bother you ? Your partner would feel the same about yours 😊

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    1. Thank you πŸ™‚ I always enjoy reading your feedback. Of course he has flaws, and I accept every one of them. I just hope he is being honest when he says he doesn’t care. I think I am just ashamed of my own flaws, and I’m worried about what he thinks regardless of what he says lol.

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